(The following is an actual conversation between myself and myself)

How much longer can I ignore my impending demise. Weeks. Months. How much longer can I put off my math test that I have yet to study for. Apparently months. How much longer can I procrastinate school. Just in general. School.

It’s so much easier to not do anything and to wait until the last minute to do everything. My problem is that I wait so much longer past the last minute to do things. A deadline is a suggestion and suggestions are ignored.

So why do I do it? Why do I keep putting off my life?

Life is scary. School is just more to deal with. I know I have to do it, but then I find a way not to. My mind thinks of an easier route. Why should I do my psychology homework when I can just not? 

Lately the easier route has been taken every time. 

So what can motivate me to start doing stuff? My grades? No, I’d rather ignore those. What about teachers on my back? Not really, it’s so much easier to not look at my emails. Okay okay, what about the fact that I have to make a monumental decision in a few months when I graduate that might determine the rest of my life? Oh that might do it.

Graduation? Yuck. The one thing separating me from being a teenager with a minimum wage job and an adult with responsibilities and a mortgage. 

I never liked large gatherings of people, maybe I should skip it. Just drop out now. So much easier to not do high school. Why am I still here?

Why am I stuck in a place where I care about my future, but I don’t care about my present? I don’t know, maybe I want to go to college. Keep up appearances. Fit in with my peers. God, I don’t want to be that one kid who doesn’t go to college and ends up working at King Soopers for the rest of their life. 

Doing my homework though? Putting in an effort for something that doesn’t make any sense to me? Groceries don’t sound so bad. Maybe I’ll look good in one of those aprons they have to wear. 

I mean I can’t be the only one who feels like this. Right? Most of the time it feels like everyone else is perfect. Good grades. Life together. I’m just not perfect.  

I can’t give up though. I want to be a good student and get good grades. One of those people who try. But I can’t do all that late work. Those tests can wait till next month. Maybe I’ll try to bargain with my teacher for extra time.

I don’t even know how to end this story.

How can I possibly write this story when I have so much other work to procrastinate? 

I guess I’ll do it tomorrow.